Today, I met up with a friend from college who I hadn't seen in 2 months. His uncle just passed away and his family was having a rough time grieving, adjusting, and caring for his wife and child as best they could. Apparently, he was dating two girls at the time of his uncle's passing and both conversations went along the lines of:
Friend: Hey, I know we had a date planned today, but I need to reschedule. My uncle passed away and I need to be with family.
Girl #1: Aww, ok.
Friend: Hey, I need to reschedule. My uncle just passed away today.
Girl #2: Aww, that's too bad.
To give a little context, Girl #2 has been his friend since high school and Girl #1 has been his coworker for the past 8 months or so. Apparently, it's too much for "friends" to acknowledge your grief with more than "www."
What happened to the customary questions that you're supposed to ask someone who is grieving, like, "are you ok?" or "what can I do?" Basic statements like, "I'm here for you," and "let me know if you need anything," are apparently too much to ask.
After discussing this topic with several people in my life (my mother and aunts), I've reached the conclusion that most people don't deal with grief or death well and don't know how to react when a friend or loved one is suffering in this situation. The best thing to do is walk away and forgive them for this insufficiency.
The other part of me believes that if you care about someone, you suck up your discomfort and be there for your friend. Don't be afraid to ask, "are you ok?" You endure the discomfort for 20 minutes and hold their hand after you drop off ice cream or dinner.
Maybe strength and comfort in a difficult situation too much to ask. What do you think? Comment below!
